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Here’s a little something about me:
I love being alone, free to do things in any way that strikes me that day. Not having to worry about someone else’s schedule, someone else’s needs in that moment. Not having to compromise on what music to listen to. Being free to sleep when I want, eat when I want, be naked, drink too much coffee, be hyper and weird, sing at the top of my lungs (even if it’s off-key), or speak in accents just for kicks.
I don’t like having to ask permission, to curb my needs, or to apologize for taking care of myself in whatever strange way it happens to be that day. When I’m alone, I feel the most happy, the most focused.
I also NEED social company. I need to look into someone’s eyes, feel their soul flow with mine. I need to smell the lingering perfume on their skin, or the warm aroma of the upholstery from the vehicle they just pulled up in. I need to sit weirdly close to my friends and family, feel our energies tingle in the open air between us, and reach over with random hugs when the time feels right. When I spend too much time alone, I get really sad.
I NEED to be alone, yet I NEED company.
…in this regard and so many others.
Most of my life has been a succession of extreme opposites. I seem to be high-high or low-low, turtle-slow or rabbit-fast, lazy about getting work done or obsessively dedicated until 3am, strong and fit or completely out of shape, too exhausted to stand or too energized to sit still.
I feed off of loud concerts, yet, devour quiet meditation music. I enjoy clean eating, yet, savour greasy take out. I have fun being single, yet, enjoy being in a relationship. I’m too hot, too cold. Too emotional, too distant. My heart is at home with family, yet, my spirit yearns to roam around the world.
This never achieving a sense of balance is ironic because I’m a Libra (if you believe in that stuff). Libra represents the scales, and balance.
Ah, balance, how you evade me… Moderation, how you evade me…
One of the ways I try to regain equilibrium, and bring my extremes to a “normal” level is by spending time outdoors. It’s like hitting a reset button; I come back home feeling grateful, refreshed, proud of who I am and where I’ve been, a bit more focused and peaceful.
It’s cleansing. Quenching. It keeps me level, keeps me sane.
Are you strongly balanced in your life (if you are, TEACH ME YOUR WAYS), or do you ride a rollercoaster much in the same way I do? What maintains your equilibrium? What things help you feel level and energized?